So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
