I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
