Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
