I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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