Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
