fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
