Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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