My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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