Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
