I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
