So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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