Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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