I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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