how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
