those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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