I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
