My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
