I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
