She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
