it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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