i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
