Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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