Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
