I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
