her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
