The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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