Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
