Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
