obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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