I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
