You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
this will be a night to untag.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
