Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
