He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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