Whod you bang
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
