I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
