I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
