So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
