that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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