Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
