She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
