You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
