no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
