another moral hangover. fuck.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
