Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
