Just fell off a train. Bad.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
