Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
