I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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