oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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