so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
