Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i dont even know how to be here
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
