They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
so much tequila, so little girl.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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