im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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