Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
PANTIES FOUND
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
