oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
