one might say we're banned from that church
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
