doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
